"You are who you are when you are alone."
I am who I am when I am alone.
I sing out load in the car.
I take lots of picture of myself in my room.
I admire myself in the mirror.
I am independent in my own way.
I dance while I'm listening to music.
I laugh out load when I see something funny on TV.
I write diary. I write and I write.
I type my thoughts.
I am engaged to my laptop while I'm writing.
I love my notebook, my pen and my laptop.
I imagine one day, I'll have sometime not to care about other things except me, doing nothing except relaxing, reading books and writing as many things as I possibly can. That day maybe the day I already retired and all I need to do just enjoy the me-time. Give myself a little bit appreciation after the hard work I've been done and say: "I did a great job. Well done. This is the treat."
Be yourself sometimes seems fool for others. Let it out because you'll never know what's gonna happen if you don't even try. Something have been held me back for so long and now I can't take it anymore. You like it take it, you don't like it, drop it. That's easy. Easy to say and hard to do, I'm still trying but thanks to all my friends who accept me the way I am. They teach me and I learn from them. It has changed me for good. It's okay to embarrassed yourself, you'll learn, you'll have fun. Life is about making mistakes. Make as many mistakes as you can while you can. We're learning by doing, from that we're growing.
#embrace yourself to the max
-vc-
Friday, 30 December 2011
Fresh Start
The new year is coming soon. Everyone prepare for the future. Plan everything they can for the upcoming year. They say: "New Year, New Me!" They're also claiming for the fresh start.
New year is like a second chance for everyone to start all over again. As they were trying so hard this year, it might not be enough for them. They want to be better which is good. They start making resolution, target everything. Some of them realistic, some of them are dreams, but they are making it all optimistically.
I have dreams, I wrote it down, it's like five years planning after I graduated from uni. It has been two years after I finished uni. I don't know where I put the note but I still remember some of them in my mind. Have I accomplished any of those dreams? NO. Unfortunately not. I never made any resolution again after that. I'm afraid I let myself down, I can't do any of those and at the end it will just make me disappointed to myself. I fear myself.
My life might not run as I planned. I'm lost in my own life. You will be able to make a target because you know where to go. I lost it. I think I have to trash back my dreams, where I wanted to go in the first place. I need to make resolution, I do need it. My guidance to face the new year so I have path and walk on it. It's never too late to start anything, there will always a first time in everything. You might stop doing it but there will always be a turning point when you start it again. Let's the adventure of chasing the dreams begins. Let's face the fear!
#fresh 2012
-vc-
New year is like a second chance for everyone to start all over again. As they were trying so hard this year, it might not be enough for them. They want to be better which is good. They start making resolution, target everything. Some of them realistic, some of them are dreams, but they are making it all optimistically.
I have dreams, I wrote it down, it's like five years planning after I graduated from uni. It has been two years after I finished uni. I don't know where I put the note but I still remember some of them in my mind. Have I accomplished any of those dreams? NO. Unfortunately not. I never made any resolution again after that. I'm afraid I let myself down, I can't do any of those and at the end it will just make me disappointed to myself. I fear myself.
My life might not run as I planned. I'm lost in my own life. You will be able to make a target because you know where to go. I lost it. I think I have to trash back my dreams, where I wanted to go in the first place. I need to make resolution, I do need it. My guidance to face the new year so I have path and walk on it. It's never too late to start anything, there will always a first time in everything. You might stop doing it but there will always be a turning point when you start it again. Let's the adventure of chasing the dreams begins. Let's face the fear!
#fresh 2012
-vc-
Monday, 26 December 2011
For Good
Im limited
Just look at me
Im limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
#because I knew you, I have been changed for good
-vc-
Just look at me
Im limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me is made from what I learned from you
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore
#because I knew you, I have been changed for good
-vc-
Sunday, 25 December 2011
Gloomy Christmas Eve? Checked!
When everything is all about recognition. I have this, I have that, I have everything. What do you want from showing that? Recognition? Really? Something better than recognition for sure. Everyone has their own judgement. They have their own values. They have their own thought. You can not please everyone. You can not satisfy everyone. But you can please and satisfy yourself. At least your own self.
Yes, we live in this world. We have to consider others but we don't have a responsibility to make them understand us. This is our life, our shot. Be happy while you can. Be merry as long as you don't hurt anyone. They don't care when we're f*cked up, why do they care when we're happy? Because they're jealous. So live your life, make them jealous even more.
We get the pain, the judgement all the time, so please for once, give yourself a break. Let it be. Sometimes we need to learn in a hard way to make us strong. Strong enough to face the storm of judgement from other people. As long as you enjoy your life, happy with yourself and grateful with what you've got, you live your life!
Just broke up? It's painful but this is it, the time that open you eyes to see the truth, it's ugly but that's the truth. Get a new one! People say it's rebound, please ignore them. This is your time for being single and very happy! Party hard! On the party, some guys are flirting with you, be proud and confident. Go for it if you like it, "but they might think I'm a b*tch". Just forget them, they can not see their own flaws.
So in this happy moment, just be happy! We can not ask them to stop judging but we can let our self out there and be what we wanna to be. I just wanna say "Merry Christmas, everyone!" This year has been a long journey, let's wrap it up with joy and start the new upcoming year with smile and say "I did it! So New Year? Bring it on!" Last but not least:
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
There will always a brighter tomorrow.
#wishing everyone the best
-vc-
Yes, we live in this world. We have to consider others but we don't have a responsibility to make them understand us. This is our life, our shot. Be happy while you can. Be merry as long as you don't hurt anyone. They don't care when we're f*cked up, why do they care when we're happy? Because they're jealous. So live your life, make them jealous even more.
We get the pain, the judgement all the time, so please for once, give yourself a break. Let it be. Sometimes we need to learn in a hard way to make us strong. Strong enough to face the storm of judgement from other people. As long as you enjoy your life, happy with yourself and grateful with what you've got, you live your life!
Just broke up? It's painful but this is it, the time that open you eyes to see the truth, it's ugly but that's the truth. Get a new one! People say it's rebound, please ignore them. This is your time for being single and very happy! Party hard! On the party, some guys are flirting with you, be proud and confident. Go for it if you like it, "but they might think I'm a b*tch". Just forget them, they can not see their own flaws.
So in this happy moment, just be happy! We can not ask them to stop judging but we can let our self out there and be what we wanna to be. I just wanna say "Merry Christmas, everyone!" This year has been a long journey, let's wrap it up with joy and start the new upcoming year with smile and say "I did it! So New Year? Bring it on!" Last but not least:
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
There will always a brighter tomorrow.
#wishing everyone the best
-vc-
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Random!
Thank God, I have friends who always remind me to write. I am not sure if they are "fans" or they just wanna know what I am thinking and what I've been through. So, it has been more than a month since the last time I wrote something. And it's DECEMBER already. I think I should do some recaps from this year and start making my resolution for next year.
This year has been so amazing, I can not believe I've spent my second year in Brisbane, Australia. And I can say that this year is a year of traveling. I started this year with a road trip to Sydney. Then I went to Melbourne on May, can not just stop there, I can't help myself for being home sick so I went back home to Indonesia on August but I traveled around as well, to Bali, Singapore and Malaysia. Then on November I went to Fiji. What a year! Can not wait to start another Eat Play Love trip next year.
I've been through a lot so I pamper myself with this happiness. But, these trips heal me somehow. I can say this year wasn't that bad after all. And it's December now, month of happiness. What can you expect more? Be merry! Be happy! Hope this year was good enough for all of us, if it wasn't, don't worry! We still have 2012 as our second chance to fix everything. I do get a second chance in 2012, so do you. As I think about this year, the only thing that I can do is being grateful. I keep complaining about my life but basically the important thing is how you twist your "bad" life into something powerful and meaningful. Like what this quote says:
"Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well"
It doesn't matter good or bad cards you're holding, what does matter is how you play it well.
#power of waiting
-vc-
This year has been so amazing, I can not believe I've spent my second year in Brisbane, Australia. And I can say that this year is a year of traveling. I started this year with a road trip to Sydney. Then I went to Melbourne on May, can not just stop there, I can't help myself for being home sick so I went back home to Indonesia on August but I traveled around as well, to Bali, Singapore and Malaysia. Then on November I went to Fiji. What a year! Can not wait to start another Eat Play Love trip next year.
I've been through a lot so I pamper myself with this happiness. But, these trips heal me somehow. I can say this year wasn't that bad after all. And it's December now, month of happiness. What can you expect more? Be merry! Be happy! Hope this year was good enough for all of us, if it wasn't, don't worry! We still have 2012 as our second chance to fix everything. I do get a second chance in 2012, so do you. As I think about this year, the only thing that I can do is being grateful. I keep complaining about my life but basically the important thing is how you twist your "bad" life into something powerful and meaningful. Like what this quote says:
"Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well"
It doesn't matter good or bad cards you're holding, what does matter is how you play it well.
#power of waiting
-vc-
Saturday, 5 November 2011
That Question
Q: How old are you?
A: 24
I am 24 years old indeed. Never thought that I am gonna be this old but time flies. I am old. What happen when you reach mid twenties? Well, you should've had proper job, career and maybe settling down, all grown-up's stuffs. And last but not least, FAMILY.
Start a family? Yes! That's the one. Most of my friends got married, some of them have kids. They live their life. I never thought about this thing ever before. I am a selfish b*tch. I always think how I can have good job, great career, house, cars, everything and then enjoy my life by traveling around the world and maybe adopt a kid. I never thought that someone will ever ask me this question but finally it popped out:
"When are u getting married?"
Wow! I am amazed. I am stunted. And apparently the question is not from my mom.
Is the pressure on now? Well, don't really care. It's not my priority. And we all have to realize that marriage isn't a playground, because marriage is a commitment of a lifetime. So better not rushing things and make you life miserable with divorce and stay live your life to the fullest even when you are single.
#single and very happy
-vc-
A: 24
I am 24 years old indeed. Never thought that I am gonna be this old but time flies. I am old. What happen when you reach mid twenties? Well, you should've had proper job, career and maybe settling down, all grown-up's stuffs. And last but not least, FAMILY.
Start a family? Yes! That's the one. Most of my friends got married, some of them have kids. They live their life. I never thought about this thing ever before. I am a selfish b*tch. I always think how I can have good job, great career, house, cars, everything and then enjoy my life by traveling around the world and maybe adopt a kid. I never thought that someone will ever ask me this question but finally it popped out:
"When are u getting married?"
Wow! I am amazed. I am stunted. And apparently the question is not from my mom.
Is the pressure on now? Well, don't really care. It's not my priority. And we all have to realize that marriage isn't a playground, because marriage is a commitment of a lifetime. So better not rushing things and make you life miserable with divorce and stay live your life to the fullest even when you are single.
#single and very happy
-vc-
Friday, 4 November 2011
Where?
I feel like I am living in two world. My body is here, my heart is there, my soul is somewhere else. I've been living here for two years and yet I don't feel like I am settling down here. Where do I wanna stay? I don't know, looks like I don't belong anywhere. Why? One of a friend once said:
"There's no place in this world for quitters."
BANG! Hit me so hard! I get it now why. I am such a quitter. I am stuck. I wish I could slap myself really hard and scream: "WAKE UP!"
Everyone keep telling me to move on, I thought I move on, but apparently no. I hate those words. But that's what I should do. When you're at the bottom and the only thing that you should do is move on, it's not fun! I need my super power and strength, yet I am so weak and tired. Take a rest! Wish I know how to rest my tired soul.
-vc-
"There's no place in this world for quitters."
BANG! Hit me so hard! I get it now why. I am such a quitter. I am stuck. I wish I could slap myself really hard and scream: "WAKE UP!"
Everyone keep telling me to move on, I thought I move on, but apparently no. I hate those words. But that's what I should do. When you're at the bottom and the only thing that you should do is move on, it's not fun! I need my super power and strength, yet I am so weak and tired. Take a rest! Wish I know how to rest my tired soul.
-vc-
Monday, 24 October 2011
The End Where I Begin
The Script - The End Where I Begin
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometimes your first scars won't ever fade away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong
#stay strong
-vc-
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometimes your first scars won't ever fade away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong
#stay strong
-vc-
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Ugly Truth!
Thank you for making it clear.
Thank you for bringing that up.
Thank you for slapping my face really hard.
Thank you for reminding me that.
Thank you for making me realize.
Thank you very much! You said it really clear and really loud.
Thank you for making my day, dude!
When honesty is really hurtful. It's like smashing your heart, BANG! Even tears couldn't express the feelings. NUMB! My heart is already broken into pieces, I don't even know how to put it back all together, and now THIS? Yes! Nothing left. Looks like I haven't reached the lowest level, have I? Bring it on! What the worst thing that could happen? Let it be! Nothing doesn't really matter now.
Point taken, dude!
#sincere thanks
-vc-
Thank you for bringing that up.
Thank you for slapping my face really hard.
Thank you for reminding me that.
Thank you for making me realize.
Thank you very much! You said it really clear and really loud.
Thank you for making my day, dude!
When honesty is really hurtful. It's like smashing your heart, BANG! Even tears couldn't express the feelings. NUMB! My heart is already broken into pieces, I don't even know how to put it back all together, and now THIS? Yes! Nothing left. Looks like I haven't reached the lowest level, have I? Bring it on! What the worst thing that could happen? Let it be! Nothing doesn't really matter now.
Point taken, dude!
#sincere thanks
-vc-
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Me!
Am I selfish? Am I afraid? Am I insecure?
YES! And thats maybe the reasons why I keep pushing people who come with love away!
"Dear: Heart
Please fall in love only when you're ready, not when you're lonely."
Am I lonely? Yes! Am I ready? No! So even the heart is confused of what should do. I am damaged. I just run out of band-aids. I don't even know where to start because you can't bandage the damage, you never really can fix a heart. I don't even know who can fix my heart anyway.
I am trying to be myself and yet i am still scared. I know it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you aren't. But i am scared because for once in my life someone actually wants to be with me, after seeing real me. Are you serious? Why wounded me? I guess I've been hiding, most of my life, mostly from myself. But you, you keep blowing my cover! You keep showing me myself.
I am so scared to get close to anyone because everyone who ever said "I'll be there" left. But keep pushing people away is not the answer for that though. I need to be tough again, so I can face the truth, the fact that you live among people yet you're alone, you'll die alone anyway. I need to be tough again, so I can face my fear. Nothing can face it except a brave heart.
I keep looking for best quotes or songs to express my feelings inside, some of them help but I still need to speak up my mind. Sometimes it's kinda frustrated to look for that expression because nothing can describe my feeling specifically. Looking for quotes which can describe something perfectly is hard, it's like looking for a friend who can feel what you feel, who can make you feel that you're not alone and you have a friend who goes through it all with you. It's only words but if I can express it then that's how i feel, but if I can't say what I feel then that must be beyond, I can't describe the beyond but at least I try describing something. I nearly there of saying what I want and what I feel. And this is ME!
GO, ME!
-vc-
YES! And thats maybe the reasons why I keep pushing people who come with love away!
"Dear: Heart
Please fall in love only when you're ready, not when you're lonely."
Am I lonely? Yes! Am I ready? No! So even the heart is confused of what should do. I am damaged. I just run out of band-aids. I don't even know where to start because you can't bandage the damage, you never really can fix a heart. I don't even know who can fix my heart anyway.
I am trying to be myself and yet i am still scared. I know it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you aren't. But i am scared because for once in my life someone actually wants to be with me, after seeing real me. Are you serious? Why wounded me? I guess I've been hiding, most of my life, mostly from myself. But you, you keep blowing my cover! You keep showing me myself.
I am so scared to get close to anyone because everyone who ever said "I'll be there" left. But keep pushing people away is not the answer for that though. I need to be tough again, so I can face the truth, the fact that you live among people yet you're alone, you'll die alone anyway. I need to be tough again, so I can face my fear. Nothing can face it except a brave heart.
I keep looking for best quotes or songs to express my feelings inside, some of them help but I still need to speak up my mind. Sometimes it's kinda frustrated to look for that expression because nothing can describe my feeling specifically. Looking for quotes which can describe something perfectly is hard, it's like looking for a friend who can feel what you feel, who can make you feel that you're not alone and you have a friend who goes through it all with you. It's only words but if I can express it then that's how i feel, but if I can't say what I feel then that must be beyond, I can't describe the beyond but at least I try describing something. I nearly there of saying what I want and what I feel. And this is ME!
GO, ME!
-vc-
Friday, 23 September 2011
Sorry, Love!
The holiday is over, time to get back to the real life!
I try so hard to enjoy working yet i haven't got the feeling back to be workaholic. I still can feel the strong feeling of shopaholic and party lover inside. I need to get back to be a workaholic! As usual use work as a distraction. Or have I found new distraction?
So what happen in my trip? NOTHING! And I am a liar for saying that! Everything happened! I found myself back, I am speechless! Big thanks to everyone involved! Amazing people who has been involved in a way of bringing myself back into life. When i say everyone means everyone who met me in my trip.
Senior high friends! You wouldn't believe how sucks my life is but meeting you guys made me realize how precious my life is because I have you all. The way you show your love, the feeling that i couldn't feel lately. You've opened my eyes that there is love in this world! <3
Speaking about love, something that I never know for real or for sure before. When someone talk about unconditional love, we all agree that only God who has that for His creatures. But someone reminds me of that love. He has been tortured and has seen everything bad inside and out yet he stays there, feels all the pain, accepts everything bad that could ever happen. What are you?
I am such a selfish, mean and ungrateful b*tch and you still see me as a beautiful gorgeous girl without flaw in your eyes. I am amazed by your love but I have to be strict. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to ruin someone's life. Please give me a chance to do something right in my life and I think this is right enough. Thank you for loving me but I am sorry, I can't. I have to make it clear.
It's enough for me using you for this whole time. It's enough, you need to go back on track, live your own life without me. You can do it before and I am pretty sure you can do it now. I don't want to put you in this kind of situation, you are free! I enjoy the attention you gave me but it's not fair for you. You have to live for your own sake. Thank you but again, sorry, Love.
-vc-
I try so hard to enjoy working yet i haven't got the feeling back to be workaholic. I still can feel the strong feeling of shopaholic and party lover inside. I need to get back to be a workaholic! As usual use work as a distraction. Or have I found new distraction?
So what happen in my trip? NOTHING! And I am a liar for saying that! Everything happened! I found myself back, I am speechless! Big thanks to everyone involved! Amazing people who has been involved in a way of bringing myself back into life. When i say everyone means everyone who met me in my trip.
Senior high friends! You wouldn't believe how sucks my life is but meeting you guys made me realize how precious my life is because I have you all. The way you show your love, the feeling that i couldn't feel lately. You've opened my eyes that there is love in this world! <3
Speaking about love, something that I never know for real or for sure before. When someone talk about unconditional love, we all agree that only God who has that for His creatures. But someone reminds me of that love. He has been tortured and has seen everything bad inside and out yet he stays there, feels all the pain, accepts everything bad that could ever happen. What are you?
I am such a selfish, mean and ungrateful b*tch and you still see me as a beautiful gorgeous girl without flaw in your eyes. I am amazed by your love but I have to be strict. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to ruin someone's life. Please give me a chance to do something right in my life and I think this is right enough. Thank you for loving me but I am sorry, I can't. I have to make it clear.
It's enough for me using you for this whole time. It's enough, you need to go back on track, live your own life without me. You can do it before and I am pretty sure you can do it now. I don't want to put you in this kind of situation, you are free! I enjoy the attention you gave me but it's not fair for you. You have to live for your own sake. Thank you but again, sorry, Love.
-vc-
Monday, 5 September 2011
EAT PLAY LOVE
Finally got my trip done! Actually i am in the middle of it. My own EAT PLAY LOVE!
After "torturing" myself with glorious food in my city JAKARTA, i feel so happy! Finally i can eat everything i've been missed for almost two years! Street food, hell yeah! I made food list and couple more foods left, way to go!
Next part is PLAY! I went to beautiful island, The Island of Thousands Gods, BALI. Being wild and crazy. Doing things i haven't done before is awesome! But i think i messed up my destination because you don't play in Bali, you do love in Bali. Guess what? You can't swap part here, is love indeed in Bali. So? As strong as i try to avoid love part, i guess i can't. As strong as i try to avoid my past, at the end it will haunt me. Feel so loved, deeply by someone but then i can't do anything. This is complicated. Can i skip the love part? Can i just have eat and play part? I guess i can't, can i?
"How can you stand on two boats without falling?"
Well, you can't! You will fall to the water eventually. You might think you can love two people on a same time, you can't! The portion will be different, you will love one more than the other, you can't divide your heart equally. At the end you have to choose! Then choose wisely!
"Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want the most is the person you're best without."
Then once again, choose wisely. You'll break someone's heart, but is it worth it? Is it worth the pain?
Last but not least:
"Choosing to be single isn't selfish, it's just smarter to be alone than with the WRONG person."
Well, i guess that's me! I am enjoying my trip at the moment. Being alone in SINGAPORE where i can shop til drop. I do need retail therapy rather than love therapy! <3 Sorry, LOVE, not now!
#selfishness
-vc-
After "torturing" myself with glorious food in my city JAKARTA, i feel so happy! Finally i can eat everything i've been missed for almost two years! Street food, hell yeah! I made food list and couple more foods left, way to go!
Next part is PLAY! I went to beautiful island, The Island of Thousands Gods, BALI. Being wild and crazy. Doing things i haven't done before is awesome! But i think i messed up my destination because you don't play in Bali, you do love in Bali. Guess what? You can't swap part here, is love indeed in Bali. So? As strong as i try to avoid love part, i guess i can't. As strong as i try to avoid my past, at the end it will haunt me. Feel so loved, deeply by someone but then i can't do anything. This is complicated. Can i skip the love part? Can i just have eat and play part? I guess i can't, can i?
"How can you stand on two boats without falling?"
Well, you can't! You will fall to the water eventually. You might think you can love two people on a same time, you can't! The portion will be different, you will love one more than the other, you can't divide your heart equally. At the end you have to choose! Then choose wisely!
"Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes the person you want the most is the person you're best without."
Then once again, choose wisely. You'll break someone's heart, but is it worth it? Is it worth the pain?
Last but not least:
"Choosing to be single isn't selfish, it's just smarter to be alone than with the WRONG person."
Well, i guess that's me! I am enjoying my trip at the moment. Being alone in SINGAPORE where i can shop til drop. I do need retail therapy rather than love therapy! <3 Sorry, LOVE, not now!
#selfishness
-vc-
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Sane vs Insane
When did the last time i write? A month ago. And i just realized about that because one of my friend asked me. (Thanx for reminding me, pal!) He asked me why did i stop? Why i don't write anything lately? Well, i keep thinking about the reason why then it leads me to the best reason that i could ever find. I'm busy keeping myself sane in this insane world.
I've been struggling.
I've been doing something i don't even like. For what? For keeping me alive and survive financially.
I've been doing the best in that something that i don't like. For what? For keeping me being excellent in everything i do.
I'm tired.
With my own thoughts.
Why did i move here? For taking master degree, what am i doing now? 180 degrees the opposite, not even close for taking master degree.
I graduated two years ago. What have i done? Do i have career? Do i have something that i can be proud of? Don't mean to compare my life with others but cant help myself for not seeing those images all over the place. Friends have great job, great career, great life, married, have children, perfect pictures of life.
I keep listening people say it's all about time. Maybe this isn't my time. I have to wait right time, right people to discover me and right partner (inspired from Captain America movie). Being rejected all the time, being alone, that's my thing. I have invisible tag above my head said Forever Alone and for your information Rejection is my middle name. I have to wait, i am waiting and i am sick and tired of waiting. While the world keep producing things instantly, i have to wait, looks like i can't get something instantly. Where am i living? I'm living in the world, am i not?
It's all about the process not the result but i am pretty sure when you live in this insane world, they'll make you think the other way around. It's about result, B***h! They don't care if you've tried so hard, you've done your best, it's just not enough if the result don't meet the expectation. Everyone has their own expectation, high-average-low. That caused competition and again it's about the result, win or lose! So everyone is competing each other to be a winner, they will use anything and anyway to get the expected result. For the fair play, they might still think to use good way but again this world is insane and unfair! They try so hard for being a winner not being excellent, why? Because this world doesn't care whether you're excellent or not, this world only cares if you're winning.
So why am i here again? Keeping my mind sane in this insane world! Try not to follow this insane world while i am still living in this world, maybe that's why i am alone and being rejected all the time.
With lots of tears,
-vc-
I've been struggling.
I've been doing something i don't even like. For what? For keeping me alive and survive financially.
I've been doing the best in that something that i don't like. For what? For keeping me being excellent in everything i do.
I'm tired.
With my own thoughts.
Why did i move here? For taking master degree, what am i doing now? 180 degrees the opposite, not even close for taking master degree.
I graduated two years ago. What have i done? Do i have career? Do i have something that i can be proud of? Don't mean to compare my life with others but cant help myself for not seeing those images all over the place. Friends have great job, great career, great life, married, have children, perfect pictures of life.
I keep listening people say it's all about time. Maybe this isn't my time. I have to wait right time, right people to discover me and right partner (inspired from Captain America movie). Being rejected all the time, being alone, that's my thing. I have invisible tag above my head said Forever Alone and for your information Rejection is my middle name. I have to wait, i am waiting and i am sick and tired of waiting. While the world keep producing things instantly, i have to wait, looks like i can't get something instantly. Where am i living? I'm living in the world, am i not?
It's all about the process not the result but i am pretty sure when you live in this insane world, they'll make you think the other way around. It's about result, B***h! They don't care if you've tried so hard, you've done your best, it's just not enough if the result don't meet the expectation. Everyone has their own expectation, high-average-low. That caused competition and again it's about the result, win or lose! So everyone is competing each other to be a winner, they will use anything and anyway to get the expected result. For the fair play, they might still think to use good way but again this world is insane and unfair! They try so hard for being a winner not being excellent, why? Because this world doesn't care whether you're excellent or not, this world only cares if you're winning.
So why am i here again? Keeping my mind sane in this insane world! Try not to follow this insane world while i am still living in this world, maybe that's why i am alone and being rejected all the time.
With lots of tears,
-vc-
Saturday, 18 June 2011
Hit It!
As we know life is like a wheel, sometimes we're at the top and sometimes we're at the bottom. The drama is happening in everyone's life. When we're at the top, we're happy and when we're at the bottom, we're sad. That's normal, isn't it??!
We will hit the bottom of the wheel as the wheel is rolling, don't know exactly when, but we will for sure. When it happens, HIT IT WITH PRIDE! Because it is a sign for you! It's a sign that you are going back up again! So hit it, it will bring you up to the top! All those dramas, your problems in life, they might take you to the bottom of your life, fail on exams, got fired, break ups, seems like everything's just wrong in your life, it will be right soon enough!
Nothing's perfect, nobody's perfect, even if you see someone's life is better, they have their own problem. You're not the only one who has problems, everyone does have problems. You have those particular problems in your life because you're strong, tough enough to handle that, so HIT IT! Keep running on your wheel! Keep fighting, don't give up and stop blaming!
"I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution."
-vc-
We will hit the bottom of the wheel as the wheel is rolling, don't know exactly when, but we will for sure. When it happens, HIT IT WITH PRIDE! Because it is a sign for you! It's a sign that you are going back up again! So hit it, it will bring you up to the top! All those dramas, your problems in life, they might take you to the bottom of your life, fail on exams, got fired, break ups, seems like everything's just wrong in your life, it will be right soon enough!
Nothing's perfect, nobody's perfect, even if you see someone's life is better, they have their own problem. You're not the only one who has problems, everyone does have problems. You have those particular problems in your life because you're strong, tough enough to handle that, so HIT IT! Keep running on your wheel! Keep fighting, don't give up and stop blaming!
"I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution."
-vc-
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Move Forward? Move Backward?
I've been thinking lately about moving somewhere, because the place where i live now get me nowhere. I'm pretty much stuck, don't know where to go, don't know what to do. Doing same things over and over again, it just makes you sick, like really sick.
When i feel kinda frustrated and stuck, i decided to take a little trip to another city. Little vacation which is enough to make me realize, open my mind a little bit. Thanks to everyone who has been involved. Small lesson that i've learned: "Be careful with what you think, what you say and what you expect."
That city blew my mind, so amazing, so awesome! First night i arrived, i saw buildings: The Herald Sun and SBS. In my mind i said "that's my building! that's my job! that's mine!" I wish i could work there someday, that's my dream. It may not run as smooth as i want but seriously i have faith that i will go there someday, maybe not now but some day i will!
I met old friend in that city, have a chat then all the sudden out of nowhere, opportunity came. That makes me wonder, is this just a right trip on a right time and a right place? This might be a small step to pursue my dream but the question is am i ready? am i moving forward with this or backward? Lots of things need to be considered. Because sometimes you leave one city because you want to run away, escape from everything that bothers you. So is it really moving forward to just leave one city? I really need to find a real reason why i want to leave this city so bad. Because if it's for a good reason then i'm moving forward, if it's bad reason, i could say it will make me move backward.
But i think for now on i have to stop thinking and just do! I have opportunity in front of me, i just need to grab it, do my best and hope it will lead me somewhere! Some place that i want to be so bad! If i have to move forward so be it. If it makes me move backward, i believe i won't move backward forever, i will move forward sooner or later. Will definitely stop thinking too much and just do it! Ready not ready, it's all up to me now! It's in front of me NOW!
-vc-
When i feel kinda frustrated and stuck, i decided to take a little trip to another city. Little vacation which is enough to make me realize, open my mind a little bit. Thanks to everyone who has been involved. Small lesson that i've learned: "Be careful with what you think, what you say and what you expect."
That city blew my mind, so amazing, so awesome! First night i arrived, i saw buildings: The Herald Sun and SBS. In my mind i said "that's my building! that's my job! that's mine!" I wish i could work there someday, that's my dream. It may not run as smooth as i want but seriously i have faith that i will go there someday, maybe not now but some day i will!
I met old friend in that city, have a chat then all the sudden out of nowhere, opportunity came. That makes me wonder, is this just a right trip on a right time and a right place? This might be a small step to pursue my dream but the question is am i ready? am i moving forward with this or backward? Lots of things need to be considered. Because sometimes you leave one city because you want to run away, escape from everything that bothers you. So is it really moving forward to just leave one city? I really need to find a real reason why i want to leave this city so bad. Because if it's for a good reason then i'm moving forward, if it's bad reason, i could say it will make me move backward.
But i think for now on i have to stop thinking and just do! I have opportunity in front of me, i just need to grab it, do my best and hope it will lead me somewhere! Some place that i want to be so bad! If i have to move forward so be it. If it makes me move backward, i believe i won't move backward forever, i will move forward sooner or later. Will definitely stop thinking too much and just do it! Ready not ready, it's all up to me now! It's in front of me NOW!
-vc-
Sunday, 29 May 2011
Will You?
Do you ever feel alone? When the only person that you have is yourself? What do you really feel about that? If you ask me, i feel sad and numb. But then that moment makes me think, when i am alone, i loosen up myself from every pressure in my life. I feel free and careless about everything for a moment. On that moment i embrace myself like i never did before. Because who will appreciate yourself if you don't?
Shit happens all the time. And it usually happens when you have given your all, your best, your everything. No appreciation in return? That is common to happen. Because if you do something good, everyone will think that's normal, that's what you SHOULD do anyway. But when you make ONE SMALL mistake, do not ever think that you can escape from that. Doesn't it make you sick? But what can we do? What will we do? What do we do if it happens? Will you stop doing your best? Will you stop giving your best? Will you ever stop and then do the opposite? Will you give up your good things?
Well, we live today. We do have to think about the future but we live today. We do have past but we live today. Lighten up your day! Make sure from today the rest of your life will be the best of your life. There's a time to be happy, there's a time to be sad. Just enjoy it! Don't waste your time regretting your miserable life! You have to be happy! You deserve it! Take a rest if you're tired, cry if you're sad and please SMILE, give your best smile when you're happy. If you couldn't find happiness around you, create your own, produce it within you. Don't get irritated from situation around you, irritate them with your life, with your happiness! If people talk about you behind your back, well, you don't have to know what happen behind you, do you? Because it's left behind, what you need to know is something in front of you! Perfect life is waiting in front of you, will you throw that away only because of small rocks on the way? I will keep walking, so will you walk along?
-vc-
Shit happens all the time. And it usually happens when you have given your all, your best, your everything. No appreciation in return? That is common to happen. Because if you do something good, everyone will think that's normal, that's what you SHOULD do anyway. But when you make ONE SMALL mistake, do not ever think that you can escape from that. Doesn't it make you sick? But what can we do? What will we do? What do we do if it happens? Will you stop doing your best? Will you stop giving your best? Will you ever stop and then do the opposite? Will you give up your good things?
Well, we live today. We do have to think about the future but we live today. We do have past but we live today. Lighten up your day! Make sure from today the rest of your life will be the best of your life. There's a time to be happy, there's a time to be sad. Just enjoy it! Don't waste your time regretting your miserable life! You have to be happy! You deserve it! Take a rest if you're tired, cry if you're sad and please SMILE, give your best smile when you're happy. If you couldn't find happiness around you, create your own, produce it within you. Don't get irritated from situation around you, irritate them with your life, with your happiness! If people talk about you behind your back, well, you don't have to know what happen behind you, do you? Because it's left behind, what you need to know is something in front of you! Perfect life is waiting in front of you, will you throw that away only because of small rocks on the way? I will keep walking, so will you walk along?
-vc-
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Let Go,,,
LET GO! These two words are in my mind lately,,, keep thinking about letting go, but what else should i lose? Feels like i have lost everything, then i realize, i have nothing,,, what did i bring when first time i arrived on earth? Nothing! So why would i want everything? Why do i want to own everything? All of my possessions are not mine!
I have learned and experienced then finally i know that sometimes you have to let go in order to get something better,,, learn to relax your grip on something,,, you can not hold something too tight, you will hurt either your own hands or the thing inside your hand even worse hurt both of them,,,
I have been listening to all of my friends story especially about relationship, i just learned this from them, relax your grip and let go, dont try to possess, try to let them go, to be free and be happy because what can you ask for more except seeing someone that you love happy? If they are yours, they wont go anywhere,,, "let go because after all nothing last forever,,,"
-vc-
I have learned and experienced then finally i know that sometimes you have to let go in order to get something better,,, learn to relax your grip on something,,, you can not hold something too tight, you will hurt either your own hands or the thing inside your hand even worse hurt both of them,,,
I have been listening to all of my friends story especially about relationship, i just learned this from them, relax your grip and let go, dont try to possess, try to let them go, to be free and be happy because what can you ask for more except seeing someone that you love happy? If they are yours, they wont go anywhere,,, "let go because after all nothing last forever,,,"
-vc-
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
crap!
Actually i dont know what to write today, but its true that everything can inspire u, inspiration is everywhere! So, today's story started with my scrapbook,,,
I have this amazing scrapbook, i bought it last year but its not even full now,,, i have no idea what to put in it for the first time i bought it, time flies, it takes some time for me to fill it up, collect everything that i wanna put in my scrapbook,,, memories, things that i like, photos, everything,,, after long time collect some crap, finally today i have time to put those crap all together, design page by page,,, im not in a rush so really take my time and being so picky with the content of my amazing scrapbook,,,
So basically if i found something interesting, i'll collect it even i dont know what to do with it, maybe everyone think that im crazy because i am collecting crap! "You suppose to throw it away, Virginia!", but im doing the opposite,,, i collect them one by one,,, i collect movie's ticket, price tag from everything that i bought, some pictures that i ripped from newspaper or magazine, food wrapper, pretty much everything! Most of them crap!
Today when i opened my amazing scrapbook, i found lots of crap inside, so messy,,, i dont even remember i've collected those things and i started to organize everything, design every page,,, and when its all done, all i can think is crap if it ends up in a right hand can be something good! Do not underestimate crap, sometimes it can be beautiful thing, just wait until its being handled by right hand! There's always a good side in everything, even from crap! You just have to find it and see it differently,,,
-vc-
I have this amazing scrapbook, i bought it last year but its not even full now,,, i have no idea what to put in it for the first time i bought it, time flies, it takes some time for me to fill it up, collect everything that i wanna put in my scrapbook,,, memories, things that i like, photos, everything,,, after long time collect some crap, finally today i have time to put those crap all together, design page by page,,, im not in a rush so really take my time and being so picky with the content of my amazing scrapbook,,,
So basically if i found something interesting, i'll collect it even i dont know what to do with it, maybe everyone think that im crazy because i am collecting crap! "You suppose to throw it away, Virginia!", but im doing the opposite,,, i collect them one by one,,, i collect movie's ticket, price tag from everything that i bought, some pictures that i ripped from newspaper or magazine, food wrapper, pretty much everything! Most of them crap!
Today when i opened my amazing scrapbook, i found lots of crap inside, so messy,,, i dont even remember i've collected those things and i started to organize everything, design every page,,, and when its all done, all i can think is crap if it ends up in a right hand can be something good! Do not underestimate crap, sometimes it can be beautiful thing, just wait until its being handled by right hand! There's always a good side in everything, even from crap! You just have to find it and see it differently,,,
-vc-
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
LOVE: right now!
Friends come and go,,, you never know when they come, you might know when they are leaving,,, the common thing that usually happen, you always get bonded with them right before they are leaving, make things even worse and as people always say: I HATE GOODBYE! :'(
I am the one who say: I HATE GOODBYE! I keep losing people that i love, because nothing last forever! love it and appreciate it when you still have time! so you wont regret everything when the time to say goodbye come,,, i bet we already have too much things to be regretted in our life, do we still want to add some more?
We can not turn back time, its irreversible, we spent it and thats it! we cant take it back,,, so when you have time, live it up! spend it with LOVE! if you love people around you, love them RIGHT NOW! dont wait until tomorrow, because you never know what tomorrow will bring,,, LOVE THEM RIGHT NOW! you might know some people will leave you soon so leave greatest memories in their life that they will never forget! make them never forget that they have you in their life! Keep in touch is just words, it does need effort to make it real!
I MISS ALL MY FRIENDS! I consider my friends as my friends, if they dont consider me as their friend, what can i do? what can i say? after all im just a giver and I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW, friends! wish i could send every single of my friend a package of love just to show them all how much i care and love them! I am so grateful to have you in my life, you help me grow and stand strong right now as me! THANK YOU!
My bestfriends wrote this before i left Indonesia:
"Goodbye isnt painful unless you are never going to say hello again"
I know i am far away but at least i am saying hello, wish you can say hello back to me, girl!
Monday, 2 May 2011
To Follow or To Be Followed?
Everyone has RIGHTS to follow anyone and only some people have POTENTIAL to be followed by others,,, which one are you? Are you the setter or the follower?
People tend to follow other people because its safe,,, its natural though, i think the main reason is they try to avoid problems so they go with the flow,,, but sometimes flowing like that doesnt make u free from problems, it just makes you safe for sometime not forever! so the question is what is the point flowing to avoid problems while you still stuck with problems?
Followers follow setters because setters have something different and stand out from other,,, setters have potential that everybody can see and follow, the thing is EVERYONE have their own potential so why dont you set up your potential so you dont have to follow anyone else and become someone who is not you!
As a setter, you just have to embrace your own VALUE, set your STANDARD and you'll gain RESPECT,,, you know things, what is right or wrong, thats basic thing that you have, your own value! when you embrace your value, people will see! and when you consistent with that, you have set up your standard based on your consistent value,,, stick with what you have! set your standard high, you'll gain respect from others, people are now watching you, setter!
Its easy to follow people! Especially when there are bunch of people do that together, it makes you average! Because you are just the same with those people following same thing,,, show your potential, be "one in a million" person! someone who stand out and different from others! i know its hard thing to do that but its not impossible! its always easy to be follower, do you pick the easy one? thats your choice! challenge yourself, follower!
-vc-
People tend to follow other people because its safe,,, its natural though, i think the main reason is they try to avoid problems so they go with the flow,,, but sometimes flowing like that doesnt make u free from problems, it just makes you safe for sometime not forever! so the question is what is the point flowing to avoid problems while you still stuck with problems?
Followers follow setters because setters have something different and stand out from other,,, setters have potential that everybody can see and follow, the thing is EVERYONE have their own potential so why dont you set up your potential so you dont have to follow anyone else and become someone who is not you!
As a setter, you just have to embrace your own VALUE, set your STANDARD and you'll gain RESPECT,,, you know things, what is right or wrong, thats basic thing that you have, your own value! when you embrace your value, people will see! and when you consistent with that, you have set up your standard based on your consistent value,,, stick with what you have! set your standard high, you'll gain respect from others, people are now watching you, setter!
Its easy to follow people! Especially when there are bunch of people do that together, it makes you average! Because you are just the same with those people following same thing,,, show your potential, be "one in a million" person! someone who stand out and different from others! i know its hard thing to do that but its not impossible! its always easy to be follower, do you pick the easy one? thats your choice! challenge yourself, follower!
-vc-
Sunday, 1 May 2011
1st
First blog, first start! I really dont know what to start but then i decided to start writing again after a long time,,,
Yet, im not a writer, not a really good writer who can inspire everyone, just an ordinary girl with big dreams,,, i dont know why i got those big dreams what i know is im not getting there, dont think so,,, is it really big dream or just my imagination? time will reveal everything,,,
i am a giver, give the best out of me! never get appreciation, who cares! thats the least i could do anyway, you like it take it, you dont like it leave it! just got this quote today:
"it doesnt matter how you treat me what does matter is how i treat you"
i dont care if you hate me or love me, thats your issue! thing that i care is how i treat people around me,,, someone says "im the best", i cant confirm that im the best but what i can say is I DO GIVE MY BEST! tired? a little bit but i will keep it that way, give until you have nothing to give, thats TRUE GIVER!
so this is one of thing that i can give: INFORMATION! will not stop writing and giving information or anything that i could give through this blog, hope you enjoy it! hope this blog can be an encouragement for me to keep giving and writing,,,
-vc-
Yet, im not a writer, not a really good writer who can inspire everyone, just an ordinary girl with big dreams,,, i dont know why i got those big dreams what i know is im not getting there, dont think so,,, is it really big dream or just my imagination? time will reveal everything,,,
i am a giver, give the best out of me! never get appreciation, who cares! thats the least i could do anyway, you like it take it, you dont like it leave it! just got this quote today:
"it doesnt matter how you treat me what does matter is how i treat you"
i dont care if you hate me or love me, thats your issue! thing that i care is how i treat people around me,,, someone says "im the best", i cant confirm that im the best but what i can say is I DO GIVE MY BEST! tired? a little bit but i will keep it that way, give until you have nothing to give, thats TRUE GIVER!
so this is one of thing that i can give: INFORMATION! will not stop writing and giving information or anything that i could give through this blog, hope you enjoy it! hope this blog can be an encouragement for me to keep giving and writing,,,
-vc-
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