If Only

If only I can turn back time, maybe life won't be this hard. I wish I did what I didn't do or didn't do what I did. I think the unthinkable thing, it makes me sick. I hope this brain can stop thinking for a while, resting for a bit. No, one moment your brain stop functioning is when you fall in love. Is it true? That's what people say.

Thinking couple years back, I wish I followed what my mom said, "come with me to Australia." But instead of following her, I choose to stay, finish my bachelor degree, for what reason? Stupid reason that I could think of back then. Life might be easier if I followed her moving to Australia, transferred my course and finish my bachelor overseas. By now, I might be holding bachelor for Australian university and working somewhere nice, as something I want to be. If only she convinced me harder.

What you now is based on decision you've made. I feel like I was so stupid, with ridiculous reason staying in my home country, fell in love and got lost in the way of love. I wish I wasn't that stupid. I did finish my bachelor degree but then moving to Australia after graduated to continue master, but with no experience and no money, it's bad idea. Then I ended up working as a 'slave', they call the job 'sandwich artist'. I wish I'm an artist not that kind of 'artist'. I was doing that job to survive and save up some money for uni. Where do I end up? I end up in this beautiful little country, New Zealand. Is my life better here? Not really. But finally, I continue my study here, hope it leads me somewhere. Hope this country treats me better.

Hope my life gets easier here but no. It gets harder, I need to be tougher and forced to be stronger. I wish I'm making right decision now so my life can be better. I haven't seen anything yet but one of a friend said, "the dawn is yet to come." Thank you for keep encouraging me. All I need during this period is friends, they keep me sane. Thanks to you all! <3

One decision that I've made and never regret is having you as my beautiful friends in my life.

-vc-

Second Chance?

I was taking a rest in the middle of doing my assignment. I turned on TV and surprisingly the TV was showing reality show called "First Love Second Chance". I was shocked  that kinda thing still exists. It reminds me the old times when I was doing my thesis for my bachelor degree when those kinda shows were  being showed every day on TV in Indonesia and became one of my friend's topic for her thesis. Anyway, long old time, great memories.

Everyone have good and of course bad memories. That show reminded me and popped up one question in mind "will there be a second chance?" I answered it loud and clear "not a chance!" It got me thinking of one quote manages to cut deeply like sword, "Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet, because they missed you the first time." It is for our own sake to be strangers again. That's the best.

It was such a waste, wasting time and energy and it's not recyclable. But there will always be a lesson behind it, they say to make you stronger. Sometimes it sucks being strong. Because when people know you're strong, they think it's ok to hurt you over and over again. But that's the only option, to be strong. Like Abraham Lincoln said, "Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm." Next question is where is the right place? You always know deep down there where the right place is. Stand strong and chin up!

Challenging life ahead, I can't resist it. I might fall, I might fail, but I'll make sure I wake up again and again. D*mn! Life is hard.

-vc-