Small but Deathly

Compliment in a right amount will help you become better but in the wrong amount it can be destructive. I never can deal with compliment. First, I rarely get a compliment so when I get it I feel like awkward. Some part feel so proud but other part feel off. It's kind of weird when I get a compliment, I start questioning do I deserve it because it's very rare for me to get one but I kind of feel like I deserve it, that is a recognition of hard work.

Since I get a right amount of compliment, I'm fine, it's not destructive for me. It's good to keep me going, productive and positive. Destructive part of compliment is when people keep getting it and make them fly, feel like over the moon and the worst part become a cocky human being. That attitude will bring you down straight away.

It's good to give a compliment after a hard work done, not because you need to give a compliment in return like you owe some, simply just because you appreciate things. It's easy to see flaw in everything, that's human. We tend to see something bad and complain rather than see something good and appreciate. But it will be great if we can see something good and appreciate it. You never know maybe that someone has given their 110% hard work, you might still see some flaws but take a look of the other side and give a little compliment for what they've done, it means a lot for them.

You don't have to reply the compliment straight away after you get it, because a "thank you" will be fine. You don't owe any compliment, you just need to give it genuinely and give it back when you feel they deserve one. Treat your tongue well by giving more good words than bad ones. Everyone will always notice bad stuff but small amount people notice good one. I prefer to be part of that small amount of people. Know the right time to open your mouth to give encouragement or to just shut it.

"The tongue is like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood."

-vc-

Bitter to Better

Sometimes the reality is so bad that you want to just close your eyes, imagine great thing and wish you can just live in your imagination. Too bad because after you close your eyes, you have to wake up, still dealing with the reality. It won't go anywhere unless you face it. You close your eyes, you cry, you sleep, wake up the next day, it's still there. You have to face it. That's your challenge.

I've been watching too many reality shows. DRAMA QUEEN. It's your life, for real it is. And you are the one who creates the drama with people around you. But since it's your life, you're the star, the main character. You can skip it, you can avoid it but somehow it will come after you and needs to be done no matter how bad you try to escape from it. And once it's done, it's done for good but the next chapter is waiting. You can't deny it, you have to deal with it everyday, every single minute.

Once I realize I can't keep avoiding things, I'm getting really tired. It's actually double job, avoiding it and after that dealing with it, why don't make it simple to just deal with it? I'm exhausted but the only thing I can do is take my time off then get back on. I kept avoiding thing, wishing it will be done by time but I was wrong. Sometimes, it makes things worse. I ran away when all I need to do just to get it done. You won't believe how immature I was, how selfish I was, how sensitive I was, how insecure I was. Time and experiences shape me for who I am now. Not a perfect one unfortunately but at least I can feel that I have been changed for good.

I was easily getting bitter on something. I've been rejected for my whole life I guess. I've been trying to fit in. I've been struggling in life. Life is always hard on me (I'm wondering why), hard to get what I want, hard to communicate what I want and hard to deal emotionally with people. I am an open book but people wouldn't know that I have trust issues. I will never trust someone unless they prove it, they have to earn it and I'm a hardcore for that case. It's hard to get my trust, it's easy to ruin it and you will never get it back after ruined it.

But, I can see myself now, I am not bitter anymore, I'm better. I realize that sometime we have to experience disappointment, get over it. Take a rest if you're tired, cry if you have to but make sure you won't cry for same reason again (like a friend told me) and then move forward. Your life won't be vulnerable forever. There is a time you have to let go things in your life in order to gain something better. You won't lose a thing without a reason. I've lost pretty much everything but for some people I might have a perfect life. I'll keep it that way, I would like to claim that I have a perfect life, ahead.

Our happiness is no one's obligation unless they've applied for a ful-time job to be your partner. Our happiness is ours. If you can't make yourself happy, do not ever wish someone can make you happy. You're independent human being. You're definitely capable making yourself happy. I might be done here but I'm not done there, bring it on. Can't wait.

"She is clothed in strength and dignity. And she laughs without fear of the future."

#positive mind

-vc-

Let It Flow, Let It Go

I want to write but I don't know what to write.
I want to speak my mind but nothing is on my mind.
 

I need a moment, a love, a kiss but I got a cry instead.
A moment to feel loved, to kiss and to know at the end that it's all worth it.

I think I ask too much.
Don't think just do! To do and to get hurt. Non sense cycle.

It isn't about the game of love. It is about commitment.
It isn't about peer pressure. It is about the right time, the one.
It is about the right one.

Love is when you want the best for that person whether it includes you or not.

It's really hard to decide when you're already too tired to hold on, yet too in love to let go.

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying."

What do I know about love? Nothing. I am still learning the art of love. Learn to love while guarding my heart to not be broken over and over again. At the end, this is me, humanly saying thing called love and please noted that human love with reasons. And please never treat someone like a priority when they treat you like an option. You deserve more than that. Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is to stubborn to ask for directions.

#the "you" includes me

-vc-