Second month living in New Zealand. It's
not like what I expected. Being independent, live with my younger
sister, go back to uni, work to survive and do intern to gain
experience, last but not least keep writing. But well, I'm here, still
doing what I have to do and running my life. I am being squeezed with
everything, pushed and pressed. One thing for sure, enjoy the ride!
I
start studying again, yes! I am student again. It freaks me out until
now. It's a mixed feeling, I am excited to be back, curious about what's
going to happen and SCARED! So scared half dying, everything come
through my mind, how am I be able to study? Submit the assessment?
Manage the time to work and study? How can I cope with everything? All
four papers that I take this semester are beyond! I was going to give up
and just leave it for good. The readings, the assessments and
everything seem to push me to the edge, those are waiting for me to fall
down the hill.
I
keep trying to catch up with everything, from preparing myself before
classes, reading all the materials, keep myself updated with the news
around the world, everything I could possibly do including changing
papers twice. First one happened because I start uni on second semester
so I can't take some of the papers due to other papers that I have to
take before taking other one. Second one happened because I joined the
first class and I felt out of planet, tried to understand and do
something but didn't work, I was so scared. I was thinking to change it
to other "scary" paper but the timetable is already perfect for me, then
I saw the trailer of "Pursue of Happyness". Will Smith said "You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something
themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want something,
go get it. Period." Then I emailed my lecture saying I want to change paper right away.
Why I want the other "scary" paper
rather than the other one because I saw the handbook, it talks about
Indonesia, so I decided to take it, at least I know my country. But it
wasn't as easy as I thought it will be, because the class is full, I
have to meet and ask the lecture if he can let me join the class. He
asked me some questions and finally let me in! He gave me course
material and the paper is going to talk about Papua New Guinea, West
Timor and so on, that means we're going to talk about Indonesian stories
from journalist's perspective. I know it won't be easy, at least I am
protecting my dream and I go get something that I want, I don't stay
comfortable in the zone, because taking this paper means I have to go to
uni four days a week instead of three days.
I feel relieve now, I know I have
challenging life in front of me but I got a feeling, good feeling. Like a
friend of mine said "Do your best then you will have no regret." I'm
doing my best and it's enough for me.
#positive mind
-vc-