Perfect Flaws

As I am facing my first exam in years, I am absolutely scared. I can say that I might overreacted but it's dramatically freaking out moment for me. First time always makes your feeling unbelievably mixed. You're scared yet excited and curious on the same time. First time will always be unforgettable, especially if it's your first and last shot. Either you'll make it your best or the other way round, it will leave mark. Satisfaction or disappointment. It's your call.

I have to prepare a lot of things before the exam. The pressure is on. I push myself to get the best as I can get. Grammatically perfect. I need to give my best shot so I won't be disappointed with the result. Practice makes perfect, hope what I've done can be a little help for what I'm going through on the exam.

I've been asking everyone who already took the exam. I would say some of them too brilliant. I have to cut this endless comparison and focus with my ability. Be confident. I have to believe that I can do this, give myself a chance to prove something. We have different circumstances and comparing will not make our life happier, easier or better. We have our own strength, embrace that. Everyone has their own flaws, don't be so quick to point out the flaws in other people’s lives when you are not willing to look at the flaws in your own. We got our own thing, good or bad, strength and weakness. Be grateful, be wise.

#cool, calm and confident

-vc-

Simple Life

Nobody will know what's going on in your mind. It's better to express rather than to expect. You already have the NO, take the risk of getting YES. We just have one life. Keep it simple.

#simple me

-vc-

Happy Belated V's Day!

If I have to lose everything so be it, but I hope I won't lose myself. As a matter of fact, people will always disappoint us, that's their nature as human being. But one thing, if you keep sowing a good seed, will you always harvest bad ones? Don't worry. You'll see it, everything has connection and how bad things always bring you to finally experience good things and how good things somehow will bring you down to feel a little pain, it's all happening for a reason which connects every single thing.

Interactions keep me sane. How I connect to others, share stories. I change the focus, not only me, myself and I but others, it helps. How I usually think that I am the only one who suffered and everyone else is always happy and has perfect life. You never know what they've been through. You will never be able to carry their loads. We can always see the outside but not the inside. What they've been keeping inside, it will surprise you.

People always tend to take care of someone else business rather than theirs. That's what happen to me as well, how I feel useful and helpful if at least I can be a good listener for someone who really need ears. And sadly I can always be so wise to give advise to other people's problem but couldn't solve mine. That's pathetic but that's what can help me go through my own life. I might not be able to solve my problems but it feels so good to just have some friends whom you can share your life with and just support each other even that might not solve anything.

The next question: "Where is your friends?" Wherever they are, keep them close to your heart. They are the one who make your life bearable. I won't mention name but you know who you are. Yes, YOU! Thanks to YOU!

with love,
-vc-

Through It All

They say I am tough. Well, I am not.
They say I am strong. Well, I am not.
They say I am independent. Well, I am not.
"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have."

I am independent because I have to not because I want to.
I am tough because I need to not because I can.
I am strong because I am not using my own strength.

If I have to choose, I would love to be dependent. But I know that I have to stand on my own two feet, not only for me but for people around me especially my family. I am a grown-up. Wish I could be a teenager for my whole life but time flies and life goes on. Wish I don't have to be this strong, so people will keep considering me as a fragile creature and fall for my life story, live from people's pity. And if I am using my own strength, I might give up long time ago. I won't be here now still alive even half dying inside.

I don't know what the power is, where it comes from but one thing I know for sure I feel like protected, with too many layers. Someone said it's my mom's prayers. I believe so and the other layers I believe prayers from everyone else which I don't even know or realize.

I am not there yet, haven't reached it but I am fighting here. I am on a training camp, preparation time. Takes ages, but it is not my time, if I can make it my own time, I will set it up whenever I like. I don't even know what I am prepared for. For my dreams? I sometimes wonder, why do I have this big dream that seems can't be done? Why is this so hard for me? Why it seems so easy for everyone else? I don't get it.

Again, something happen for a reason. I have this story that leads to other story. One story opens other stories. I am here for a reason. And I am not done here before I finish my part. I will lose something, I will gain other things. I experience the pain in order to gain. I will do my part, even everyone has their own part in my life, do your part and I'll do mine. We'll finish this with no regrets. When it's time to say goodbye, I would love to hear all of us say: "We did it." There's a reason why you didn't make it to my future or I didn't make it to your future.

I am so sorry for who I am now. I might have hurt people around me. I can not be what you want me to be. You can leave me now, that's your choice. I can't ask you to stay if you don't want to stay. You can always find better person. There are a lot of better people out there but this is me, the originally me. If you can not accept who I am now, you will never accept whom I am gonna be.
"Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means you are strong enough to let go."

#and again I'm letting you go
-vc-

What's on Your Mind?

I bet you are familiar with this question. For once, I will think and answer this question, because I usually just put short status, I never put lines and lines of status on my facebook. So, what is on your mind, Virginia Christie?

I would like to start with last night experience. The dinner, the exhibition, the riverside view, the time we've spent together, made me happy, woke up in the morning feeling so good. Woke up pretty early and can not go back to sleep. Why is it? Is it because I am too happy?

I kept thinking of saying something on facebook but I couldn't find anything to write, I tried quotes, music videos, songs, I just couldn't find the best which can describe my feelings.

I went lunch with my family, spending quality times with them, that makes me realize how I have a FAMILY now. If you know my family's story, you'll understand why I said that.

I went to the shopping center after a while I've never been there because of working too much. Feel so good even I didn't shop a lot, just to see something outside work, finally! It feels so good. And just realize that I want pretty much everything at the shopping center. I want to shop!

I got weekend off. I miss to have weekend off, spending times with the people whom I love. It just feels so right after rough week at work and be able to chill out, have a good time. Maybe a big night out? Yes, please! We're partying tonight!

And since it's February, Valentine's day is around the corner. Everything speak about this event. I am not a big fan but I usually celebrate it with friends, never really celebrate it with someone special but I feel blessed anyway with all my friends. We shared chocolate, stories and love. How I love dark chocolate, my friend loves milk chocolate and my other friend loves white chocolate, so different but love bonds us together through the differences. I miss my friends. Hope you guys are well out there and have a wonderful life.

And I think I started to write again on January last year. And I remember I wrote a note about this month of love on facebook. One more time I say: I'm not a big fan of February, I am a big fan of September! Speaking of September, next question on my mind is: where should I be on my birthday?

#spread the love
-vc-