You let yourself being out there in this crazy world just prepare to experience the good and the bad. The good of course will make you happy. But are you ready for the bad one? Even this fact doesn't help:
"At the end of the day, you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together."
We always ready to experience good thing, we never be well-prepared for the bad things. We know even we're doing good things, bad things still can happen to us. Well, the question is: Will you focus on the positive or the negative side? We can always mourn or put ourselves back together.
You always have a freewill, you can always choose anything. To be good or to be bad. To be negative or positive. That decision is in your hand. You are tired being good all the time and wanna be bad, so be it. But remember, there will always be consequences. What's on your mind? Positive or negative, it will appear through your actions. You can't pretend at all times, sometimes the true you will come out, will it surprise people? In a good or bad way?
I've been living in this world for almost 25 years now. I trace back to what I've experienced, good and bad. Family, friends, every moments and every details help me to grow. I experienced bad things, so I am used to it somehow. I keep thinking what the worst thing that could happen? I've experienced it somehow but yet I am still here. So, I am not really familiar with happiness. I meant not really, I am happy with my life but the bad part took more space than the good one. Apparently, I've been holding on what's tearing me apart.
I've experienced bad things but am I a bad person? I don't know, I can not really say. But, I am pretty sure, it affects me. I become really negative. It's really hard for me to trust someone but when I trust them, you won't believe what's going to happen. I am not used to compliments, never really had real compliments in my life except from studies. So, I am a really bubbly and friendly figure but deep inside I'm struggling with myself. I wear "mask" for my whole life. I try to fit in. Tried so hard. People might see me full of confident but I don't have that. And I am so selfish because I never get the attention, I always have to share and being 'shadows' so I always want everything for me and to me.
That was me in my home country. I moved here two years ago. I can say, I've been changed for good. It opens my eyes somehow. I wasn't being me because of the judgement, the pressure and everything. I was afraid to show my true color. But here, you can be anything you want without being afraid of what people gonna say, what people gonna think, what people gonna do because they mind their own business, don't really care about someone else's. I can explore everything and not afraid to try something new and it feels good to just be me and they don't mind with me. I am still struggling and yet I am growing on the same time.
I am who I am from what inside me say who I am not from outside me. I learned a lot of things here and I am so grateful that I finally found my path. I am walking on it with pride because this is me and this is my life. Takes a long time but I don't mind. I am here and I will always be here from now on. And now I am focus on what's holding me together.
#for the better
-vc-
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