If Only

If only I can turn back time, maybe life won't be this hard. I wish I did what I didn't do or didn't do what I did. I think the unthinkable thing, it makes me sick. I hope this brain can stop thinking for a while, resting for a bit. No, one moment your brain stop functioning is when you fall in love. Is it true? That's what people say.

Thinking couple years back, I wish I followed what my mom said, "come with me to Australia." But instead of following her, I choose to stay, finish my bachelor degree, for what reason? Stupid reason that I could think of back then. Life might be easier if I followed her moving to Australia, transferred my course and finish my bachelor overseas. By now, I might be holding bachelor for Australian university and working somewhere nice, as something I want to be. If only she convinced me harder.

What you now is based on decision you've made. I feel like I was so stupid, with ridiculous reason staying in my home country, fell in love and got lost in the way of love. I wish I wasn't that stupid. I did finish my bachelor degree but then moving to Australia after graduated to continue master, but with no experience and no money, it's bad idea. Then I ended up working as a 'slave', they call the job 'sandwich artist'. I wish I'm an artist not that kind of 'artist'. I was doing that job to survive and save up some money for uni. Where do I end up? I end up in this beautiful little country, New Zealand. Is my life better here? Not really. But finally, I continue my study here, hope it leads me somewhere. Hope this country treats me better.

Hope my life gets easier here but no. It gets harder, I need to be tougher and forced to be stronger. I wish I'm making right decision now so my life can be better. I haven't seen anything yet but one of a friend said, "the dawn is yet to come." Thank you for keep encouraging me. All I need during this period is friends, they keep me sane. Thanks to you all! <3

One decision that I've made and never regret is having you as my beautiful friends in my life.

-vc-