Me!

Am I selfish? Am I afraid? Am I insecure?
YES! And thats maybe the reasons why I keep pushing people who come with love away!

"Dear: Heart
Please fall in love only when you're ready, not when you're lonely."

Am I lonely? Yes! Am I ready? No! So even the heart is confused of what should do. I am damaged. I just run out of band-aids. I don't even know where to start because you can't bandage the damage, you never really can fix a heart. I don't even know who can fix my heart anyway.

I am trying to be myself and yet i am still scared. I know it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you aren't. But i am scared because for once in my life someone actually wants to be with me, after seeing real me. Are you serious? Why wounded me? I guess I've been hiding, most of my life, mostly from myself. But you, you keep blowing my cover! You keep showing me myself.

I am so scared to get close to anyone because everyone who ever said "I'll be there" left. But keep pushing people away is not the answer for that though. I need to be tough again, so I can face the truth, the fact that you live among people yet you're alone, you'll die alone anyway. I need to be tough again, so I can face my fear. Nothing can face it except a brave heart.

I keep looking for best quotes or songs to express my feelings inside, some of them help but I still need to speak up my mind. Sometimes it's kinda frustrated to look for that expression because nothing can describe my feeling specifically. Looking for quotes which can describe something perfectly is hard, it's like looking for a friend who can feel what you feel, who can make you feel that you're not alone and you have a friend who goes through it all with you. It's only words but if I can express it then that's how i feel, but if I can't say what I feel then that must be beyond, I can't describe the beyond but at least I try describing something. I nearly there of saying what I want and what I feel. And this is ME!

GO, ME!

-vc-