Sometimes the reality is so bad that you want to just close your eyes, imagine great thing and wish you can just live in your imagination. Too bad because after you close your eyes, you have to wake up, still dealing with the reality. It won't go anywhere unless you face it. You close your eyes, you cry, you sleep, wake up the next day, it's still there. You have to face it. That's your challenge.
I've been watching too many reality shows. DRAMA QUEEN. It's your life, for real it is. And you are the one who creates the drama with people around you. But since it's your life, you're the star, the main character. You can skip it, you can avoid it but somehow it will come after you and needs to be done no matter how bad you try to escape from it. And once it's done, it's done for good but the next chapter is waiting. You can't deny it, you have to deal with it everyday, every single minute.
Once I realize I can't keep avoiding things, I'm getting really tired. It's actually double job, avoiding it and after that dealing with it, why don't make it simple to just deal with it? I'm exhausted but the only thing I can do is take my time off then get back on. I kept avoiding thing, wishing it will be done by time but I was wrong. Sometimes, it makes things worse. I ran away when all I need to do just to get it done. You won't believe how immature I was, how selfish I was, how sensitive I was, how insecure I was. Time and experiences shape me for who I am now. Not a perfect one unfortunately but at least I can feel that I have been changed for good.
I was easily getting bitter on something. I've been rejected for my whole life I guess. I've been trying to fit in. I've been struggling in life. Life is always hard on me (I'm wondering why), hard to get what I want, hard to communicate what I want and hard to deal emotionally with people. I am an open book but people wouldn't know that I have trust issues. I will never trust someone unless they prove it, they have to earn it and I'm a hardcore for that case. It's hard to get my trust, it's easy to ruin it and you will never get it back after ruined it.
But, I can see myself now, I am not bitter anymore, I'm better. I realize that sometime we have to experience disappointment, get over it. Take a rest if you're tired, cry if you have to but make sure you won't cry for same reason again (like a friend told me) and then move forward. Your life won't be vulnerable forever. There is a time you have to let go things in your life in order to gain something better. You won't lose a thing without a reason. I've lost pretty much everything but for some people I might have a perfect life. I'll keep it that way, I would like to claim that I have a perfect life, ahead.
But, I can see myself now, I am not bitter anymore, I'm better. I realize that sometime we have to experience disappointment, get over it. Take a rest if you're tired, cry if you have to but make sure you won't cry for same reason again (like a friend told me) and then move forward. Your life won't be vulnerable forever. There is a time you have to let go things in your life in order to gain something better. You won't lose a thing without a reason. I've lost pretty much everything but for some people I might have a perfect life. I'll keep it that way, I would like to claim that I have a perfect life, ahead.
Our happiness is no one's obligation unless they've applied for a ful-time job to be your partner. Our happiness is ours. If you can't make yourself happy, do not ever wish someone can make you happy. You're independent human being. You're definitely capable making yourself happy. I might be done here but I'm not done there, bring it on. Can't wait.
"She is clothed in strength and dignity. And she laughs without fear of the future."
#positive mind
-vc-
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